Daughter/son/in law

I was speaking with my friend the other day and we got to talking about a transition that many people go through. It is that of having a son/daughter in law. When that happens you automatically become the mother-in-law. Why is this labeled a transition? The relationship that you experience with the in-law can be difficult sometimes. It is a role that is hard to play. Sometimes you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. They have totally different personalities and you have to learn it. You also didn’t grow up with this person and you may or may not like them. It doesn’t really matter because it is who your child has chosen to be his/her spouse. The key is to tread lightly. You don’t want to alienate your child but at the same time, you don’t want your rights to be violated either. It can get pretty tricky. It usually lies with the parent to do the adjusting not the in-law. THey are going to be who they are going to be. Your child is with this person now, good or bad, and it is hard to accept sometimes. You certainly can’t expect your child to take sides, if you do YOU WILL ALWAYS LOSE. Don’t put yourself inthat situation. The question is do you want your child in your life at any means or not. We need to question our own self and decide. How important is it to you. If you want your child in your life, you may have to make some consessions in your relationship with thier spouse, such as, serve what they like to eat, follow their rules that they ask you too, even if you don’t agree with them. It is hard to merge your family values with the in-laws sometimes and that is where you need to make a decision. Either you become assertive and stand up for what you believe or you don’t. My opinion is you need to pick your battles. Decide what you can live with and what you can’t. This in-law will be in your life as long as they are married to your child. They may produce grandchildren that you may want to be involved with. You may have had one relationship with your child before the spouse entered their life and that will very well change. You need to prepare for this. If you as the parent don’t have your own values, thoughts etc. together, it will make the transition all that much harder. Additonally, you will have the spouses family in your life. This is another relationship that needs to be nutured. The bottom line is this: How important is the relationship with your child? Do you want the relationship at any cost, or do you have limits? Will you accept your childs new spouse, or just tolerate them. It can be a very difficult time in your life, or not, but one that is definately a transition worth thinking about.